CHARACTERS

Dave -  Caucasian, dirty blonde, long hair, dirty dreads, black beanie, oversized rasta, crocs

Pete - Tan, brunette (black), shaved head, lip piercing, baggy eyes, hefty build, wife beater, cargo shorts, boots

Sam - Pete’s son, Tan, brunette (brown), messy hair, superman shirt, under armour

Nug - Neanderthal, unibrow, bad teeth, underbite, loin cloth, club, long hair, receding hairline

SETTING

Dave and Pete lay on either end of a green couch with Sam on the ground in the middle, drawing with crayons on the table. A bong sits on the other end of the table. In front of them is a TV playing a Star Wars movie. To the left is a kitchen, to the right is the front door and stairway leading upstairs.

Lights come up to two dudes sitting on their couch. In between them, a child makes crayon drawings on a coffee table. To their left is a kitchen with a refrigerator, an oven, and a jar filled with money. The sounds of a movie plays.

PETE

(Sitting up)

“Yo, Dave.”

(Time passes as Dave stares at the TV, not noticing Pete’s call.)

PETE

(Louder)

“Yo, Dave!”

Three seconds pass.

Dave

(Looking at Pete)

“Huh?”

PETE

“You want some food?”

DAVE

“Hell yeah.”

PETE

“Sam. You want some food?”

SAM

“Sure Dad. Thank you.”

(Dave walks to the kitchen, and opens up the refrigerator door.)

DAVE

“What do you got?”

PETE

(Looking up and down)

“We ain’t got shit.”

(Pete closes the refrigerator door and opens the freezer.)

PETE

(Stepping back)

“Woah, what the fuck?”

Sam stands up and walks over to a jar full of money on the kitchen counter. Sam walks over to Pete.

SAM

“Two bucks Dad.”

PETE

(Looking down at Sam)

“What?”

SAM

(Taps on jar)

“The swear jar. Two bucks please!”

PETE

(Takes out wallet)

“Now I’ll give you a one for that ‘shit’, but the ‘fuck’ was fair. Take a look at this!”

(Pete steps back as Sam and Dave walk over to look into the refrigerator. Inside they see an ugly man in a loincloth holding a bag of dino nuggets.)

SAM

“Woah!”

DAVE

“What is it?”

PETE

“Well it’s a dude in my fridge numb nuts.”

(The man in the fridge steps out and looks at the trio, who all step back to give him room.)

PETE

“Hey man. Are you good?”

Nug

“Goo Da.”

PETE

“Uh yeah man. I think we have some cheese.”

SAM

“No Dad! He said good!”

Nug

(Pointing at dino nuggets)

“Foo! Goo Da! Foo!”

PETE

“Sam what did he say?”

SAM

“I think he wants food.”

PETE

“Well so do we, hand it here man.”

(Pete takes the dino nuggets from Nug and puts them on a tray. Pete puts the tray in the oven.)

“So uh, what’s your name?”

NUG

“Nay?”

PETE

(Holding the ‘a’ in name)

“No, no. Name.”

DAVE

“Yo, I don’t think he speaks words good?”

PETE

““Speaks words good” Dave? I think both of you could use some work on your “good words”.”

DAVE

“Shut up man.”

Nug

“Shuh Tuh!”

PETE

“Well he needs a name, so why don’t we call you…. Nug.”

DAVE

“Nug?”

PETE

(Picks up packet of dino nuggets and taps the word nugget twice)

“Yeah man. Nug.”

NUG

“Nug!”

PETE

“See man? He loves it!”

NUG

“Luh Vah!”

SAM

“We should try to teach him how to speak.”

PETE

“Why? He seems fine the way he is!”

SAM

(Looking up at Pete in a way that is also looking down on him)

“So when Mom gets home, you can tell her why a nude man is here with her young child.”

PETE

“How are you so smart?”

SAM

“Cause I eat my greens Dad. You smoke it.”

DAVE

“He’s got you there Pete.”

PETE

“Shut up Dave.”

(Looking at Nug, who is now trying to eat the plastic dino nuggets bag)

“Hey, hey, hey. Give me that!”

(Pete takes the bag away from Nug and puts it in the trash)

“Hey, look at me. Me, Pete. Can you say Pete?”

NUG

“Pee Tuh.”

PETE

“No. Pete. Pete.”

NUG

“Pee Tuh.”

PETE

“Where is this guy from, Lynn? Pete!”

SAM

“Let me try!”

PETE

“Sure, take a whack at it kid.”

SAM

(Gesturing to Nug)

“Hi! I. am. Sam. Can you say, Sam?”

NUG

“Sah Muh.”

SAM

“Sah Mm.”

NUG

“Sah Mm.”

SAM

“Sam.”

NUG

“Sah Mm. Sah Mm. Samm. Sam.”

SAM

“Yes! Good!”

DAVE

“Wow! Pete, your kid’s smart ain’t he!”

PETE

(Cockishly turns around and leans against the stove)

“Yep! Takes it from his old man.”

The sound of a gas burner starts.

DAVE

“Pete?”

PETE

“Yeah?”

DAVE

“Your butt turned the gas on.”

PETE

(Spins around and cranks the gas off)

“Whoops.”

DAVE

“Hey Pete.”

(Pointing at his head)

“Big brain huh?”

PETE

“Eat a sock “words good”.”

Lights go out. End of scene.